I really don't know why I try and make up a title.
by MalonHunter
Summary: ZELDA, TP CHARACTERS AND LOADS OF POINTLESS DEBATE.... MWAHAHHA TRY NOT TO GET SUCKED INTO THE VORTEX!!!
1. Default Chapter

The Truth About Pies  
  
  
It was a normal day at a school in some part of the USA, well, as normal as it could get with two teachers who were between visits to the insane asylum, three crazy people and another crazy person that now goes to a different school, but got confused and came here instead.  
"Hey, shut you're trap! They aren't supposed to know that those stupid kids get us locked up all the time!" Ms. Jensen hissed.  
"Well, I happen to like the jackets that those nice men in white coats give us, they are so in style! Plus, I like to hug myself!" Mr. Debreceni yelled.  
Right..... like I was saying-  
"What part of shut up- don't you understand?!?!?" Ms. J yelled.  
"Maybe the shut part?" Mr. D suggested.  
"Whose side are you on, buddy?!?!"   
"The losing side!" Mr. D yelled triumphantly.  
Ms. J lunged at him, and soon hair and pink lace were flying everywhere!  
A door suddenly swang open.  
"Mwahahhahahahahaah!!! Obey us mere mortals!" a pastry with an eye patch yelled.  
"NOOOOOO!!! We'll never give up!!!" Ms. J yelled, "Mr. D- we must think of something!"  
Mr. D threw his hands up, "I give up!"  
The pastry grinned evilly, "Tell his majesty that we have the first two rooks."  
"You mean pawns?" a muffin asked.  
"I KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!!" it yelled.  
MEANWHILE.......  
"Kyr, why.... well, why?" Sage of Zelda 64 asked.  
"BORING!!! No craziness there!!!" Kyr answered.  
"Dum duh duh duh yah na na na- HEEEY MACARONI!" Madame Zola sang, doing the macarena.  
"Run for Cover!!!" Sage yelled, tackling Madame Zola.  
"Why did you do that?" MalonHunter asked.  
Sage looked up nervously, " After those noodles tried to take over the world, I'm still a little jumpy..."  
"A little?" Madame Zola asked, her voice muffled because it was implanted in the ground.  
Suddenly, a pie-meteor hit the ground, revealing a message.  
"MMMM- Apple!" MalonHunter said, tasting the pie.  
"Obey me mortals!" the message started, "P.S- the pie is poison."  
Everyone looked at MalonHunter, who just ate some more.  
"If I have to die, I'm gonna die hard!" she yelled.  
"Ohhhh, like the parachute-less skydiving thing?" Madame Zola asked.  
"Mph-Hm," MalonHunter muttered through a handfull of apple pie.  
PoP! - oh noooooooo!!!  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Not here- anywhere but here!" Link screamed.  
"Yes here, where else?" Kyr asked.  
"Timbuktu? China? Spain? The Moon? Anywhere but the US!!!" he cried.  
"DIE!" a chocolate muffin yelled as he shot chocolate chips at Link.  
MalonHunter and Kyr looked at each other in surprise, then shouted, "FUDGE MUFFINS!!"  
BANG!!! A chocolate chip ran strait through Link.  
"............" Sage passed out.  
"What's wrong with her? It's just a little blood..." Charlie said, walking up.  
"The PoP master strikes again..." MalonHunter moaned.  
PoP - Link- well, what was left of him, disappeared.  
"Salt and Vinegar, Salt and Vinegar!" Kyr yelled.  
"NO! I am Colonel Custard! Resistance in futile!" the pastry with the eye patch said.  
"REALLY?!?! Then why am I not DEAD?!?!" MalonHunter yelled.  
"Why- why aren't you dead....- Commander Crabcake, explain why she isn't dead!"  
"Erm, well, the immune system of... well, in truth, I really don't know..." the crabcake stuttered.  
"IMBECILE!!!" Colonel Custard yelled, setting the crabcake on fire.  
"French Toast!!" Kyr yelled.  
"Why is it, that people always appear out of nowhere in your stories?" Madame Zola asked MalonHunter  
"I'm just lucky, I guess..." MalonHunter said, looking around, "Dagnabit... no dragon, or hairy spider, or....."  
"What do you- RUN!" Sage yelled.  
Soapy frying pans went flying towards the pastries, killing quite a few.  
"Hmmmm, my aim appears to be a little off...." Numair said.  
"FISH!!!" Sage and MalonHunter yelled in unision, laughing their heads off.  
"What? Where?" Kyr asked, "Where Sushi?!?!?"   
"Oh NO....." Charlie muttered.  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! To many people- can't think!" Madame Zola cried.  
PoP - all the 'extras' disappeared.  
"Hey where'd everyone go?!?!" Madame Zola asked.  
"Forget them, where'd MalonHunter go?" Sage asked.  
"Mwahahha! The pie sent your little friend into oblivion!" Colonel Custard yelled, running off.  
"Is oblivion in the Middle East?" Kyr asked.  
"Shut up!!! We gotta find MalonHunter!" Sage yelled.  
"How, I mean if she is in oblivion... wherever and whatever that is...." Robin muttered.  
"Eat Apple Pie!" Kyr yelled, scooping some in her mouth.  
Sage and Madame Zola did the same and-  
PoP - they were gone.  
MEANWHILE.......  
Thud! MalonHunter hit a brick wall, or was it a floor?  
"Where in the name of Nefertiti's sandals, am I?!?!" she yelled, standing up.  
"Why are you asking me?" Charlie yelled.  
"Cause your the only one to yell at!"  
"Well, if YOU wouldn't write these RETARDED stories!!!"  
"Don't hurt me!!! I'm just an innocent bystander!!!" Rauru whimpered.  
"I won't if you tell me where I am!" MalonHunter yelled.  
"I don't know! Ever since that dragon tossed me, then- PoP - I came here, and it's scary here!!! HELP ME!!!!!" Rauru sobbed, wrapping his arms around Charlie's shoes.  
"Er- right, is anyone else here?" Charlie asked.  
"I am...." Numair said.  
"Whoa, if you jump off a cliff, whack a big spider and- well, I'm outta here!" MalonHunter yelled, backing up slowly.  
"Anyone else?" Charlie asked., rolling his eyes  
"YES!!! And it is about time you got here! Do you realize what I've had to deal with?!? I'll never get all the dirt out from under my fingernails!" Zelda yelled, coming around a tree.  
"Wonderful, anyone else? A talking elephant maybe? A constapated cow?" MalonHunter muttered.  
"Hey, it could be worse..." Charlie said.  
"Worse?!?!? We've got the Fish, the Elton John wannabe, the prissy spoiled brat, me, and you!" she yelled.  
"What has fish got to do with anything?" Numair asked.  
"Everything!" MalonHunter muttered.  
"Right, well, maybe we will get rescued," Numair said hopefully.  
"By who?!?!?" Charlie and MalonHunter yelled.  
"ERRRRRRRR. Nevermind then....."  
MEANWHILE....  
Sage, Kyr and Madame Zola landed in a grassy field, miles from anywhere and everywhere.  
"Eat the pie! What a great idea!!!" Sage yelled, "Now how do we get out?!?!"  
"Will we get out?" Madame Zola asked.  
  
  
  
  
  
WILL THEY GET OUT?  
STAY TUNED UNTIL NEXT TIME....  
  
  
  
  
Authors note- ahhhh boredom...... just r/r, even if you didn't like it, i need a laugh........ oh, and i don't own numair, any zelda characters or charlie (from harry potter)- everyone else belongs to themselves..... or the loony bin....... these days, i can't tell...... 


	2. The pie thickens

The Pie Thickens  
  
  
"Your highness, the kids have gone to oblivion. The school is ours to conquer..." Colonel Custard, bowing his head to the floor told a shadowy figure.  
"Excellent! First the school then the world!" the shadowy person said.  
"Why the school? It's only a- well, a school..." Custard blurted out.  
"That school holds the key to world domination!!! Don't question me!"  
MEANWHILE.....  
MalonHunter's group was trudging through a forest, dragging a delirious Rauru between them on Numair's cloak.  
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Ack! Elton John be praised, the wee folk stole me lucky charms!" he cried, ripping his hair out.  
"Maybe if we put a cone-thing around his neck he'll stop tearing his hair out...." Charlie thought aloud.  
"Hmmm, well, maybe if we leave him, we won't have to care at all!" Malonhunter retorted.  
"Why does HE get to sit?!? I'm royalty here! I shouldn't have to ruin my shoes!" Zelda whined.  
"Guess how much I care?!?" Malonhunter yelled.  
"I'm guessing none." Charlie commented.  
"Cute- REAL cute- keep complaining, girly, and I'll give you a reason to complain!" Malonhunter yelled.  
"Patience is a virtue!" Numair said cheerfully.  
"Then I'm not that virtuous- I'm usually a patient person, but you people just push me to this.... What I wouldn't give for a bazooka... or a pizza..." she muttered.  
Suddenly, the Little Caesar's man ran through, blasting all the trees in his way.  
"Why am I not surprised?" Malonhunter muttered.   
MEANWHILE....  
"Eat the pie- oh yeah.... Let's all just eat the pie!" Sage complained for the millionth time.  
"What de....." Gambit stuttered, walking up.  
"Why always these freaks?!?!?!?" Link moaned, feet dragging.  
"Indeed. A fascinating concept, really..." Beast muttered to himself as he bounced up.  
"Oooooh lots peoples!" Kyr yelled.  
PoP- Beast disappeared as Numair appeared.  
"Fish!!!" Sage yelled, laughing hysterically.  
"What is this fish thing?!? I keep hearing about it, and I don't have the slightest idea as to what it means!" Numair yelled.  
"What has that to do with the price of peas in Persopolis?" Sage yelled, still cracking up.  
"Hey look! A forest!" Link cried.  
"I wonder if there are any cliffs or really big spiders...." Sage mused aloud.  
MEANWHILE....  
PoP- Numair disappeared as Monkie appeared. (Monkie is a person!!!)  
"Follow the red brick road, Follow!" Monkie yelled.  
PoP- she was gone.  
"Ok, so we don't have to worry about Fish, and Monkie left, so we don't have to worry about her, though I still do... hey... there's Sage and... and... Oh lord... why all the people?!?!" Malonhunter muttered.  
"Ricky Martin be flamed, Elvis Presley's hair be laying on the freeway!" Rauru yelled.  
Malonhunter suddenly booted Rauru over the head saying, "Elvis Presley died, they deep fried the king!!!"  
"Where am I? Who am I- I AM MICHAEL FLATLY, LORD OF THE DANCE!!!" Rauru yelled, starting an Irish jig.  
"THIS is why I say we ditch him!" Malonhunter yelled.  
"I'm starting to agree....." Charlie muttered.  
"YOU CAN'T DITCH HIM!!! HE'S A SAGE!!!" Zelda started yelling, "HE-"   
"FINE!" Malonhunter yelled, "Ok, we won't ditch him!"  
"Good!!" Zelda huffed angrily.  
"We'll ditch you both!!!"   
"Who?" Link asked, walking up, "OH! Good idea, let's!"  
"Oh shut up, all of you!" Sage yelled, "We have to get out of here!"  
"How?" Kyr asked.  
"Follow the red brick road..." Malonhunter said, staring at a red brick road leading to the unknown.  
"I won't ask how you know that, but since we don't have any other choices, let's go," Sage said, walking off.  
"Why do I always get stuck with the worst jobs?" Malonhunter muttered to herself as she tied a dancing Rauru on a leash.  
SLAM!!! A pie went hurtling at the Earth at unheard of speeds, creating a crater the size of Texas.  
"Good lord...." Numair muttered.  
"Oh well, let's go..." Malonhunter muttered.  
"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Zelda shrieked.  
"Err, yeah, so?"  
"Look at what you are walking into!!" Madame Zola yelled, "You'll die!"   
"That's the idea!!! I've always wondered what it is like to die..." Malonhunter yelled, walking off.  
"Oh, what the heck, I die all the time!" Link muttered, following Malonhunter.  
"Michael Flatly must follow the kind Chihuahua!" Rauru yelled, giving the leash to Malonhunter.  
"Wait up......" Charlie muttered.  
"Well, let's go, Mon ami...." Gambit said, walking in the opposite direction.  
"Yeah, we'd better..." Fi-ER-Numair agreed.  
Sage, Madame Zola and Zelda followed, as Kyr sat there, obviously confused.  
"AAAAAAHHH!!! BRAIN OVERLOAD! WARNING- SELF-DESTRUCT IN 5-4-3-2-1-0!!!" Kyr yelled.  
"C'mon Kyr," Malonhunter called.  
Kyr cartwheeled to catch up, somehow not falling down once.  
BANG!!! Another pie came and landed on Kyr, Rauru, Link, Charlie and Malonhunter.  
"NO!!!" Zelda yelled, "Link- I never told him..."  
"Wonderful.... this is turning into a soap opera... and no one really cares about Link anyway..." Madame Zola said, a little too cheerfully.  
"I DO!!!" SAge yelled.  
"What de...." Gambit muttered.  
The place where the meteor/pie-thing had landed was glowing, and suddenly-  
PoP- they returned to the real world.  
"Hey... I thought they would be here already.... They can't really be dead..." Sage muttered.  
"Naaaah, people in these stories die all the time... they don't stay that way..." Madame Zola yelled, suddenly dancing around.  
MEANWHILE....  
"Where are we?" Link asked.  
They were in a dark, metal room.  
"Huh? Oh... well, I would say a prison...." Malonhunter muttered, looking around.  
"Wha??? I'm Britney Spears! Oops I did it again!" Rauru started singing.  
"If your Britney Spears, then I'm Christina Aguilera!" Kyr yelled.  
"Oh yeah?!? Then back off Barbie!" Rauru yelled.  
Rauru and Kyr started fighting.  
"It's times like these that I wonder if I'm awake..." Charlie muttered.  
"Nooo... It's times like these that I KNOW I'm not that crazy!" Malonhunter muttered.  
"If YOU are Britney Spears, then that makes ME Justin Timberlake!" Link cried.  
"C'mon sweetie!" Rauru called to Link.  
"Now that's just wrong!" Malonhunter moaned.  
"Why do I get dragged into these things?" Charlie muttered.  
"One word- DRAGONS!" Malonhunter cried, laughing evilly.  
"I hate my life...."  
MEANWHILE.....  
"I really thought that they would be here by now..." Sage said, looking under bushes and in lockers.  
"How will we ever find them?!?" Zelda whimpered, "I miss Link.  
"You won't ever see them again!" a velvety voice said.  
"Is that... NO- NOT-" SAge stammered.  
"Yes, 'tis me, Varice!" a blonde woman cried, appearing out of nowhere, "And thanks to my dear brother, you shall never see them again!"  
"You said that already..." Madame Zola muttered.  
"KILL HER!" Varice ordered one of her 'thinking' pastries.  
The pastry, which was a crepe, shot blindly at Madame Zola, but missed entirely and blew Zelda's head clear off.  
"Ding Dong the witch is dead!" Madame Zola started singing, dancing around a fallen Zelda, "It's about time someone killed her off!!!"  
"We have to rescue them!!" Sage cried.  
"I'm more worried about dodging Varice, but how?" Fish muttered, trying to hide... which is pretty hard when you are THAT tall.  
"Yeah... how???" Madame Zola asked.  
  
  
  
HOW, INDEED...  
FIND OUT NEXT TIME...  
OR MAYBE THE TIME AFTER THAT...  
OR AFTER THAT....  
OR AFTER THAT....  
OR....  
  
TO BE CONTINUED......  
  
Did you like it???? Tis boredom, my friends, plain and simple 


End file.
